19 Aug 2009

by:

In Ireland, where health services are being cut and personal finances are squeezed ever tighter, many families are choosing to combine households with their senior parents. Even President Mary McAleese has experience of this national trend as her father-in-law (now deceased) lived for many years with her family and moved with them into Aras an Uachtarain. But several generations living together under one roof raises both practical and emotional issues. If the senior requires specific care, the change can be even more challenging.

Currently, of all Irish seniors who receive non-medical assistance, 76 percent live in their own homes and 43 percent live alone. Twenty-one percent live with their children and 8 percent with some other relative but many are now considering combing households.

Regardless of the reason, deciding to move in together is a big decision. There are several common concerns every family must address before, during and after combining homes. With that in mind Home Instead Senior Care has created a free handbook, "Too Close for Comfort?". It is full of practical tips and advice from experts to help deal with some of the emotional, environmental and financial issues involved in creating a multigenerational household.

Moving into a new household isn't easy and adjustments are required from everyone involved, That includes the senior parent, the adult child (plus any other siblings) and the grandchildren. The new arrangement will impact dramatically on everyone in the house. If the senior requires special care or assistance, this will also have a further effect on their lives.

As with most major life changes, preparation and communication is the key, Whether the move is prompted by choice or necessity, we recommend seniors should ask their adult children the following questions before moving in together:

1. Will I have my own room or space?
2. What household responsibilities will be expected of me?
3. Will I be asked to mind the grandchildren and how often?
4. How much will I be expected to contribute to pay for household expenses?
5. What will happen to my home and any finances or savings?
6. Will changes be made to your home to make it safe for me (bath grab rails, etc)?
7. Can I bring my pet with me?
8. Will I have a say in family social decisions such as holidays and weekend activities?
9. Can I entertain friends?
10. What happens if I need extra care?

Once all the adults have discussed anything else that might be of concern, the next step is to involve any grandchildren. "The most important thing is to set expectations right from the start. Every family member must understand what is expected and how they fit in to the big picture. They must all be allowed to share their ideas about how the situation might work.

Safety is a big issue and you will need to look at the home to make sure it is suitable for a senior person. Watch out for rugs on wooden floors, slippery shower trays and baths, awkward storage arrangements, badly lit spaces, steep stairs. Make the necessary adaptations to ensure the house is suitable as a home for all generations.

A senior loved one who is ill or infirm raises an extra set of issues. Suddenly the adult child, usually a daughter, who is frequently already juggling the demands of her own children, household and a job, now has to factor in providing care for the senior too. As the senior ages the physical demands become greater, particularly if dementia becomes an issue.
 
It's no wonder that research conducted by Home Instead reports multigenerational living has its ups and downs. 

The best thing about being a caregiver is providing the best care possible, followed by a sense of accomplishment and the ability to stay connected and become closer. The worst thing is having no time for themselves.

On a scale of 1 - 5 (with 5 being the most stressful), 75 percent of those who said they lived too close to their loved ones rated their stress as a 5.

Co-habiting caregivers devote 39.4 hours per week to caregiving responsibilities, compared with 15.5 hours per week for all other family caregivers.

Many caregivers who live with the seniors for whom they care say they would like to change their caregiving situation, either by relying more on other relatives or on professionals to provide care at home. The best time to discuss this issue is when you are considering the move to living with your senior loved one. This is the time to get your spouse and children behind the idea and to talk with adult siblings. Just because you are the one opening your home to your parent you don't need to take sole responsibility. Talk to your brothers and sisters and let them know you may need respite help".

When it comes to finances, "Too Close for Comfort?" looks at the advantages and disadvantages concerned. It also raises issues such a sibling support agreements and legal matters.

Blending families can be a joyful time if everyone goes into the new adventure equipped with the knowledge needed to create a harmonious life.  Anyone who is considering moving several generations under one roof should get a copy of this booklet and use it as a conversational guide before any decisions are made.

Please also where they'll find links to more information on how to start awkward conversations with senior parents, how to deal with caregiver stress and further advice on multigenerational living.

A  free hard copy of "Too Close for Comfort?" is available from our fifteen offices nationwide or call us on 1890 930 013 to request a copy.

Alternatively you can download a copy of the booklet - Too Close For Comfort Booklet